Recently, a friend read copies of the letter and synopsis I had been sending to publishers for years. Hers was a fresh pair of eyes and we had talked already about my book for a day or two. She looked at me with open eyes and told me the book query did not address the more important aspects of the book. In this blog, I seek to write about those aspects I did not do justice to in my letters to publishers.
I also began to realise I had been hesitant and cautious. How could I peddle myself to people as something more than I really was? I journeyed through life doing my best to appear confident, but not cocky and then over time I discovered my humility began to be perceived as meekness and this had whittled me down ever so infinitesimally. Then a time came when I saw myself reflected in the eyes of others and the nuances hidden in the things they said to me about me no longer gratified my self-esteem, if once these ever did. I became acutely aware that this thing I had turned into before their eyes was not really me. I had successfully kept my inner life under the tightest possible swaddling, comforting myself from the outer storms. Is it possible to undo this shift in perception? I am, ever hopeful.
Saturday, October 11, 2014